


godfathers

by imposterhuman



Series: cosmic loneliness [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Good Omens Fusion, Angel Steve Rogers, Demon Tony Stark, Dumbass Tony Stark, Fluff, Genius Tony Stark, He's both, M/M, Steve Needs a Hug, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony has a heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 13:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21037208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: Tony was solidly drunk. Somehow, that made arguing with his angel even harder than usual. He still had to try, though; the Antichrist had come to Earth 24 hours ago, starting the countdown to the end of the world.“So, what, exactly, is your point?” Steve arched an eyebrow. He was as drunk as Tony, if not drunker, but he was better at holding his liquor. Stupid angels and their stupid heavenly metabolisms.“My point is,” Tony slurred, waving his hands. “My point isdolphins."





	godfathers

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my drafts forever so i figured id post it
> 
> enjoy!

Tony was solidly drunk. Somehow, that made arguing with his angel even harder than usual. He still had to try, though; the Antichrist had come to Earth 24 hours ago, starting the countdown to the end of the world.

“So, what, exactly, is your point?” Steve arched an eyebrow. He was as drunk as Tony, if not drunker, but he was better at holding his liquor. Stupid angels and their stupid heavenly metabolisms.

“My point is,” Tony slurred, waving his hands. “My point is  _ dolphins _ . That’s my point. Big brains, dolphins. The size of…” He spread his hands apart to approximate how large he thought a dolphin’s brain was. Steve did not look impressed. “Damn big brains. Not to mention the whales!” Tony sat upright, even as the world spun around. “Brain city, whales.” He thought for a moment. “Kraken! Ooh, great big bugger. Supposed to rise up to the surface. Right- right up at the end, when the sea boils. Well, that’s my point.” Tony paused, hoping he was conveying the gravity of the situation. By the look on Steve’s face, he wasn’t. “Whole sea bubbling,” he enunciated. “The dolphins, the whales. Everything turning into bouillab... bouill… bouillab…”

“Bouillabaisse?” Steve suggested. Idly, Tony wondered how he could pronounce it with all the wine he’d drank. 

He made a face and ignored the angel. “Fish stew,” he said decidedly. “Anyway, it’s not their fault. And that’s the same with gorillas.They say, like,  _ whoop _ . They say a lot of..” Tony took another swig from the bottle, but the wine didn’t taste as good as it had at the beginning of the night. “Sky’s gone red. There are stars crashing down. And  _ what  _ are they putting in bananas these days?” He shook his head, disgusted. God really was a bastard if She was willing to destroy everything. “They’re All creatures, great and small. And you know what’s worse? When it’s all over, you’ve got to deal with eternity.” Tony took a deep breath and screamed, “ _ Eternity! _ ”

“Tony,” Steve said disapprovingly. He still looked so  _ composed _ , like the end of the world didn't phase him. “Calm down.”

Tony narrowed his eyes and tried to think of something that would really make Steve care. “Yeah, it won’t be so bad at first,” he said, licking his lips as he thought of the tortures God had in store for Her angels. “No Stephen Sondheim in eternity, I’m afraid. But I have heard rumors your boss loves  _ The Sound of Music _ .”

Steve cast a dark look at the stack of scores he had on a shelf.  _ The Sound of Music _ , Tony knew, was one of the few things the angel absolutely hated. “That can’t be true,” he said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “She has to have  _ some  _ standards.”

Privately, Tony doubted that. If She had standards, he would definitely still be an angel. As it stood, though...

“You could literally climb every mountain over and over and over,” he sang out, smirking. He had Steve and he knew it. “And over. And over. And over! And-”

“I get it, Tony,” Steve cut him off, lips pressed into a thin line. “I don’t like it any more than you do, but I can’t just  _ not  _ do what I’m told.”

It was Tony’s turn to raise a skeptical brow. “ _ You  _ have to do what you’re told?” he said dryly. “You think of heavenly decrees as guidelines. I watched you blatantly interfere with the Crusades because you wanted Italian food. I have never seen you follow a rule in your eternal life!”

“I’m an angel!”

He rolled his snake eyes. “ _ I’m an angel!  _ Woe is me!” he mocked. “For Heaven’s sake, Steve, are you insane? Don’t you  _ like  _ humanity? She’s going to destroy it as part of her Ineffable Bullshit, and you’re just going to let Her?”

“I can’t cope with this while drunk,” Steve grimaced. “I’m going to sober up.”

“Party pooper,” grumbled Tony. “Me, too.”

WIth matching groans, the empty wine bottles refilled. Tony blinked awareness back into his eyes, the world so much sharper without the blur of alcohol. Unfortunately, he had just as many problems as he did before he started drinking, if not more. Steve was less likely to be reasonable when sober. 

“I can’t interfere with the Divine Plan,” Steve decided, shaking his head regretfully. “I’m sorry, Tony. Really, I am.”

“Coward,” Tony spat, no heat behind his words. Before he Fell, he probably wouldn’t have wanted to seriously defy Heaven, either. Now, it was one of his favorite pastimes, but that was neither here nor there. He fell silent, trying to think of a different angle to get Steve to help . Contrary to popular belief, Tony knew when he couldn't do something alone, knew when the best person to help him was an insufferable angel. “So you can’t interfere with a Divine Plan…” he trailed off. “What about a diabolical one?”

Steve looked at him sharply. “What?”

“A diabolical plan,” Tony repeated with a manic grin. “You can’t be certain that thwarting me isn’t part of the Divine Whatever, too. I mean, you’re supposed to thwart the wiles of the Evil One at every turn, right?”

“At a high level, I-”

“See a while, you thwart!” Tony was on a roll, hands waving wildly. “Am I right or what?”

“I- broadly,” Steve conceded. “Actually, I encourage humans to do the actual thwarting. I-”

“Don’t care,” said Tony. Steve was full of shit, anyway; there wasn’t a single one of Tony’s plans that his angel hadn’t personally thwarted (or, in the case of New York City traffic,  _ attempted  _ to thwart and been distracted with promises of good food in exchange for overlooking low grade evil). “The Antichrist has been born. But it’s the upbringing that’s important, the influences. The evil influences, that’s going to be all me.” He shot Steve a significant look. “It would be too bad if there was someone to make sure I failed…”

“If you put it that way, Heaven couldn't actually object to me thwarting you,” Steve had the face he always did when he was exploiting loopholes. Tony, with his love for loopholes, found it a little hot. Acting bad looked good on the angel.

“Nope,” he agreed with relish.

“We’d be godfathers-” Tony wrinkled his nose as Steve talked. “-sort of, overseeing his upbringing. We do it right, he won’t be evil.”

Tony nodded. “Or good,” he added. “Just… normal. It might work.”

“Godfathers,” Steve repeated with an air of amusement and disbelief. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

Tony imagined Steve, perfect, angelic Steve, with pitch black wings and demon eyes and had to hold in a laugh. He licked his lips and smirked. “It’s not so bad, once you get used to it.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make me happy!!
> 
> yell at me on tumblr [@imposter-human](https://imposter-human.tumblr.com/)


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